How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
