he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
