I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize