so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Where did you get a picture of my penis
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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