i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
