I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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