she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
