Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
