so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
