dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
