i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
