she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will be naked everywhere
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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