Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
