Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
