You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
