I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
