honey bunches of taint.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
