She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
