I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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