My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize