Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
