If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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