Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
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