Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
