So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
