Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
