If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
