Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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