i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
