Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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