I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
please come you make the beer taste better
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
