i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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