You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
