i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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