Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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