Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
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Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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