Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
