Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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