Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
