I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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