I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
