Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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