He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
