Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
