Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
