Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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