If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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