I want you more than these girls want KFC
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
