No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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