and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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