Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
