I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
