2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
