Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
