I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
