the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
