Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize