Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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