The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
