we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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