I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
