I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Say something about gay babies.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
