she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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