We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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