My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
