I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
