Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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