i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
