Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
