ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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