i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
