It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
