My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
