he thought i was a dude.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
