i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
