When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I love you.
Bad choice
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
