I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to calm my uterus...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize